Mani (Mainstream): Are you certain that we will be safe here in the open? There seems to be more traffic on that road down there than I would have guessed. Aren’t we too close to Tikrit?
Modi (Moderate): That is the Al-Haditha-to-Kirkuk road you are scanning. It does have lots of traffic. We are about 40 miles northwest of Tikrit, but it is off this road. Anything coming from Tikrit would come from that crossroads about 5 miles east of here; that traffic would be coming the other way.
Mani: I know Saddam is dead, but he still gives me chills to be so close to Tikrit.
Modi: Have some Saudi coffee. I put some in the flask to prevent chills.
Mani: Saudi coffee? What on earth is Saudi coffee? Do you drink some and turn into a toad or something?
Modi: It is just strong coffee. Very strong. You can get it in almost any shop, but you have to ask.
Mani: I will wait. Modi, there is a lot of military traffic down there.
Modi: That is expected. About three years ago, some U.S. troops received a tip from locals about some bad stuff not too far from here. They found a cache of chemical agents, missiles, and two mobile laboratories. They were pretty excited about that. So, the military folks have been returning here on and off, to ensure that they don’t miss anything. Recently, they found some cars that were being stuffed with explosives. The terrorists ran off before they could finish their tasks, leaving the almost-finished car-bombs.
Mani: What kind of chemical agents? I don’t remember that.
Modi: GF nerve gas (Cyclosarin) for one. I don’t know if they ever identified the other one. I never saw a follow-up to the story. Some of the missiles were surface to surface, others surface to air. You know about the three car-bombs, don’t you?
Mani: That was on TV. So, it seems that the bad guys come way out here, build explosives into some cars, and drive them to wherever they want.
Modi: That is why they hired all of us. We just watch the traffic to see if there is anything unusual on or off the road. It is worth the money to have teams of spotters every two or three miles. I want to look at that old car. (Looks through binoculars)
Mani: Do you see anything unusual?
Modi: No. The driver is not too young and not too prosperous, so he fits the car he is driving. Wait! He has no passengers, and the sedan is big enough. I am going to call it in. It costs money enough to drive from Al Haditha up here. He would have looked around for someone to help pay for petrol. (Speaks with someone on cell phone). Ha! They will check it out. They said it could have been someone from the oil fields a few miles down the road. They are all over the place here anyway.
Mani: Will the headquarters people call you if they catch someone?
Modi: They may wait until we return to the unit. They do not want too much phone traffic. You can bet that Al-Qaeda monitors our traffic whenever they can. They do not have any stupid FISA laws to keep them from finding what is on their enemies’ minds. Remind me not to move to America; it is not safe there. They have wimps that are deathly afraid of offending anyone, even their enemies. They would kill everyone in the country before letting them monitor enemy spy traffic, even though spies already there are awaiting orders to massacre one of their cities. Americans have done some good things for us. I would like to repay them by turning their wimps over to Radi; I would tell him they are polytheists.
Mani: I bet Radi is fit to be tied. He was ready to take on Sura 9 today. I know he has been studying it.
Modi: Good for him. He is still pretty shaky with some of those verses, but he does not go off like a rocket any more. He is a little more careful about what he says.
Mani: That’s what scares me. Usually we know what is on his mind. I would rather hear him yell he is coming for my head—then I know to run like crazy. This way, he may decide to burn my house down, and I would not know until I smelled smoke.
Modi: He was trained by the wrong imams. Remember when he was really hot about ayat 8:12?
Mani: Let me see, 8:12:
Yes, I remember he was going to sharpen his sword and sneak up on the soldiers one by one. He did not know why he had to cut off fingertips, though. He was dead certain that the ayat meant kill everyone not a Muslim.
Modi: Hold that thought! That was the Saudi translation. The other translations are close enough, and in any case it is not the translations that are so important. What is important is the entire thought. They recite only a small part of the text and make everyone think it means something terrible. I told Radi that Muhammad (pbuh) had a common problem with his troops. It was their first big battle—Badr. They were greatly outnumbered, and they had the jitters. Allah reminded them that the Meccans had poisoned the nearby wells, but Allah saw to it that it rained enough to provide sufficient water and gave the army of believers the inner calm they needed. Mani, that one idea took three verses, 8:09 to 8:11 before He got to 8:12. They repeated only the middle verse.
Mani: So Allah only was reminding them that He was their strength and their salvation.
Modi: You are correct. The Believers did not want to go. If Muhammad (pbuh) had not announced that those who died on the battlefield would be martyrs and go to paradise immediately, he would have had a few more problems.
Mani: I can imagine that. But continue with ayat 8:12 .
Modi: That part of the verse that talked about striking the necks and the fingertips meant “destroy them utterly”[1] or something to that effect, like the American expression "let's go clean their clocks." He was not collecting fingertips. But Allah continued:
Mani: So what Allah was really saying was, Don’t be afraid of the Meccans. I am angry with them for turning away from Me, so I am not going to let them harm you. Now, go out and destroy them.
Modi. That is about it. A pep rally. When you put it all together, it is nothing at all, despite the terrible horror that some imams make out of it. And by the way, notice that by unbelievers He was not talking about Christians and Jews; He was talking about the Meccans who refused to believe Muhammad (pbuh). Anyone who says that verse talks about Americans is sick!
Mani: Wait, Modi. You recited a verse the other day about that from Sura 6.
Modi: (Narrow his eyes and thinks) Aha! Ayat 6:21,
Mani: I am glad you remembered that one. Every time I want to tell Radi about it, I cannot think of it. He in turn should tell those ratty friends of his about that ayat. If they keep filling his head with their nonsense, they are responsible for whatever evil comes out of it.
Modi: Yes, I know. I was really worried about the statements of bin Laden and Zawahiri, but thanks to these people north and west of Baghdad, I can see that they have not lost faith and realize what those two liars are doing.
Mani: I have to admit, I was taken in also. I am always envious of those terrorists who seem to be so much stronger in their religion, and I always feel that I should do something grand to make up for my laxity. But as you say, they are not really stronger in their religion, they are simply following an agenda of bitterness, hatred, and violence, and they lie about the source.
Modi: That is their plan. They are like Ali Baba trying to open up secret passages in the minds of those who only think they have been lax. They want to exploit the false guilt and entice good people to doing something awful to make up for their imagined laxity. Good people always seem to think they are not good enough; that is what makes them vulnerable to con artists like Ayman and Osama. Allah will see to it on Judgment Day that bin Laden and Zawahiri are shown to be what they are, 'ibaad ash-shaitaan--servants of Satan. Their abode shall be the fire forever.
Mani: I really believe, Modi, that you should be a registered imam. You truly are an imam. I do not know what kind of fool I would be without your wisdom.
Modi: Thank you for those kind words. Here, have some Saudi coffee.
Mani: Whoa! This stuff is outrageous (hic), but it warms me all over. What is in it?
Modi: Very strong coffee.
Mani: (sniffs the flask) It smells like something besides coffee.
Modi: Don’t ask. Just enjoy. Take another swig—I mean sip.
Mani: On second thought, it is nice. I still can’t tell what is in it, but now I don’t care.
HJS
[1] Message of the Qur’an, Muhammad Asad, note 15, page 272.
Modi (Moderate): That is the Al-Haditha-to-Kirkuk road you are scanning. It does have lots of traffic. We are about 40 miles northwest of Tikrit, but it is off this road. Anything coming from Tikrit would come from that crossroads about 5 miles east of here; that traffic would be coming the other way.
Mani: I know Saddam is dead, but he still gives me chills to be so close to Tikrit.
Modi: Have some Saudi coffee. I put some in the flask to prevent chills.
Mani: Saudi coffee? What on earth is Saudi coffee? Do you drink some and turn into a toad or something?
Modi: It is just strong coffee. Very strong. You can get it in almost any shop, but you have to ask.
Mani: I will wait. Modi, there is a lot of military traffic down there.
Modi: That is expected. About three years ago, some U.S. troops received a tip from locals about some bad stuff not too far from here. They found a cache of chemical agents, missiles, and two mobile laboratories. They were pretty excited about that. So, the military folks have been returning here on and off, to ensure that they don’t miss anything. Recently, they found some cars that were being stuffed with explosives. The terrorists ran off before they could finish their tasks, leaving the almost-finished car-bombs.
Mani: What kind of chemical agents? I don’t remember that.
Modi: GF nerve gas (Cyclosarin) for one. I don’t know if they ever identified the other one. I never saw a follow-up to the story. Some of the missiles were surface to surface, others surface to air. You know about the three car-bombs, don’t you?
Mani: That was on TV. So, it seems that the bad guys come way out here, build explosives into some cars, and drive them to wherever they want.
Modi: That is why they hired all of us. We just watch the traffic to see if there is anything unusual on or off the road. It is worth the money to have teams of spotters every two or three miles. I want to look at that old car. (Looks through binoculars)
Mani: Do you see anything unusual?
Modi: No. The driver is not too young and not too prosperous, so he fits the car he is driving. Wait! He has no passengers, and the sedan is big enough. I am going to call it in. It costs money enough to drive from Al Haditha up here. He would have looked around for someone to help pay for petrol. (Speaks with someone on cell phone). Ha! They will check it out. They said it could have been someone from the oil fields a few miles down the road. They are all over the place here anyway.
Mani: Will the headquarters people call you if they catch someone?
Modi: They may wait until we return to the unit. They do not want too much phone traffic. You can bet that Al-Qaeda monitors our traffic whenever they can. They do not have any stupid FISA laws to keep them from finding what is on their enemies’ minds. Remind me not to move to America; it is not safe there. They have wimps that are deathly afraid of offending anyone, even their enemies. They would kill everyone in the country before letting them monitor enemy spy traffic, even though spies already there are awaiting orders to massacre one of their cities. Americans have done some good things for us. I would like to repay them by turning their wimps over to Radi; I would tell him they are polytheists.
Mani: I bet Radi is fit to be tied. He was ready to take on Sura 9 today. I know he has been studying it.
Modi: Good for him. He is still pretty shaky with some of those verses, but he does not go off like a rocket any more. He is a little more careful about what he says.
Mani: That’s what scares me. Usually we know what is on his mind. I would rather hear him yell he is coming for my head—then I know to run like crazy. This way, he may decide to burn my house down, and I would not know until I smelled smoke.
Modi: He was trained by the wrong imams. Remember when he was really hot about ayat 8:12?
Mani: Let me see, 8:12:
“Remember when your Lord inspired to the angels. ‘I am
with you, so strengthen those who have believed. I will cast terror into
the hearts of those who disbelieved, so strike [them] above the necks, and
strike from them every fingertip.’”
Yes, I remember he was going to sharpen his sword and sneak up on the soldiers one by one. He did not know why he had to cut off fingertips, though. He was dead certain that the ayat meant kill everyone not a Muslim.
Modi: Hold that thought! That was the Saudi translation. The other translations are close enough, and in any case it is not the translations that are so important. What is important is the entire thought. They recite only a small part of the text and make everyone think it means something terrible. I told Radi that Muhammad (pbuh) had a common problem with his troops. It was their first big battle—Badr. They were greatly outnumbered, and they had the jitters. Allah reminded them that the Meccans had poisoned the nearby wells, but Allah saw to it that it rained enough to provide sufficient water and gave the army of believers the inner calm they needed. Mani, that one idea took three verses, 8:09 to 8:11 before He got to 8:12. They repeated only the middle verse.
Mani: So Allah only was reminding them that He was their strength and their salvation.
Modi: You are correct. The Believers did not want to go. If Muhammad (pbuh) had not announced that those who died on the battlefield would be martyrs and go to paradise immediately, he would have had a few more problems.
Mani: I can imagine that. But continue with ayat 8:12 .
Modi: That part of the verse that talked about striking the necks and the fingertips meant “destroy them utterly”[1] or something to that effect, like the American expression "let's go clean their clocks." He was not collecting fingertips. But Allah continued:
"This because they have cut themselves off from God and
His Apostle -- verily God is severe in retribution. (8:13) This for
you, O enemies of God! Taste it then and know that suffering through fire
awaits those who deny the truth." (8:14)
Mani: So what Allah was really saying was, Don’t be afraid of the Meccans. I am angry with them for turning away from Me, so I am not going to let them harm you. Now, go out and destroy them.
Modi. That is about it. A pep rally. When you put it all together, it is nothing at all, despite the terrible horror that some imams make out of it. And by the way, notice that by unbelievers He was not talking about Christians and Jews; He was talking about the Meccans who refused to believe Muhammad (pbuh). Anyone who says that verse talks about Americans is sick!
Mani: Wait, Modi. You recited a verse the other day about that from Sura 6.
Modi: (Narrow his eyes and thinks) Aha! Ayat 6:21,
“And who could be more wicked than he who attributes his
own lying inventions to God or gives the lie to His messages? Verily, such
evildoers will never attain to a happy state.”
Mani: I am glad you remembered that one. Every time I want to tell Radi about it, I cannot think of it. He in turn should tell those ratty friends of his about that ayat. If they keep filling his head with their nonsense, they are responsible for whatever evil comes out of it.
Modi: Yes, I know. I was really worried about the statements of bin Laden and Zawahiri, but thanks to these people north and west of Baghdad, I can see that they have not lost faith and realize what those two liars are doing.
Mani: I have to admit, I was taken in also. I am always envious of those terrorists who seem to be so much stronger in their religion, and I always feel that I should do something grand to make up for my laxity. But as you say, they are not really stronger in their religion, they are simply following an agenda of bitterness, hatred, and violence, and they lie about the source.
Modi: That is their plan. They are like Ali Baba trying to open up secret passages in the minds of those who only think they have been lax. They want to exploit the false guilt and entice good people to doing something awful to make up for their imagined laxity. Good people always seem to think they are not good enough; that is what makes them vulnerable to con artists like Ayman and Osama. Allah will see to it on Judgment Day that bin Laden and Zawahiri are shown to be what they are, 'ibaad ash-shaitaan--servants of Satan. Their abode shall be the fire forever.
Mani: I really believe, Modi, that you should be a registered imam. You truly are an imam. I do not know what kind of fool I would be without your wisdom.
Modi: Thank you for those kind words. Here, have some Saudi coffee.
Mani: Whoa! This stuff is outrageous (hic), but it warms me all over. What is in it?
Modi: Very strong coffee.
Mani: (sniffs the flask) It smells like something besides coffee.
Modi: Don’t ask. Just enjoy. Take another swig—I mean sip.
Mani: On second thought, it is nice. I still can’t tell what is in it, but now I don’t care.
HJS
[1] Message of the Qur’an, Muhammad Asad, note 15, page 272.
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