Mani (Mainstream): Modi, did you hear about President Jady’s (Ahmedinijad) speech at the UN the other day?
Modi (Moderate): Oh, Yes. But the electricity was off for a while and I missed the beginning. Since I missed the beginning, I thought all of his ranting and raving was a self-confession.
Mani laughs so hard, he bumps into Radi, almost knocking him down.
Radi (Radical): The president was ranting about the Western nations, especially America.
Modi: I know that now. However, it certainly appeared to me to be a world-class confession of his own crimes.
Mani: (Finds it hard to stop laughing) Modi, you need to curb your comments; you get too funny.
Radi: I do not think he’s funny.
Modi: You don’t think anything’s funny. You remind me of the Ayatollah Khomeini.
Radi: Life is too serious for levity or laughter.
Modi: The ayatollah said something just like that. As I recall, the only person who ever struck him funny was the late Oriana Fallaci. However, the Believers in Denmark, Italy, and other European cities had a big price on her head—and I mean head. They didn't think she was funny.
Mani: I remember something about that. What did she do that was so evil?
Modi: Nothing evil. She wrote two books about the attitude and the actions of our Believers that immigrated to Europe and trashed many of the places where they settled. She also complained about the eagerness of the Leftist officials to accommodate the Believers at the expense of the citizens. It is something akin to the way the American administration is treating illegal aliens at the expense of their own American workers.
Mani: I saw some of that on CNN. It was sandwiched somewhere between some stupid half-dressed urchin named Brittany and giving bail to an illegal alien murderer. I have problems understanding American news programs. Out of ten minutes, they gave about a minute to the two problems and the rest of the time to the urchin.
Radi: The Americans are all messed up and will have to deal with the flames.
Modi: I wish you would get real. The Americans are not the Meccans of the 7th century, and we are not raiding their caravans and making deals with other tribes against them. We are in the 21st century now. Everything has changed. Get over it!
Radi: You are wrong, Modi. I told you before that the Americans are the polytheists—they worship their saints, Jesus Christ, and his Mother[1]. They say there is only one God, but they worship more than one. We must kill them wherever we find them.[2]
Mani: Whatever your opinion is of the Americans, Radi, they have helped us here in Iraq. They have not tried to steal our oil and they have given us the opportunity to vote our own people into the government. Except for the problem at Abu Graib, that was more hilarious than anything else, and a few unfortunate incidents during firefights with people firing at them, they have not tried to intimidate us or exploit us.
Radi: You are wrong, Mani. They tried to set up their own style of government that will endeavor to make us more like they are.
Modi: That statement is rubbish, Radi. How about keeping this subject on a higher level than that? Besides, we were talking about your buddy Ahmadinejad, President Jady!
Mani: Radi, I can hardly wait to hear your analysis of his reference to the Mahdi. I noticed he did not specifically mention the Twelfth Imam, but he had a reference to his coming.
Radi: I do not see anything wrong with his reminding everyone of the end-of-days. Perhaps he has the foresight to see the coming of the Mahdi. The Mahdi and Jesus will appear right before the Judgment. Not long after that, we will see who is flung into the fire and who sees paradise and the virgins. (Notices Mani laughing) What are you laughing at now?
Mani: Modi and I had a minor argument about that. Apparently, we are not the only ones arguing about what one sees after death or martyrdom. You say it is PARADISE with FIAR-SKINNED VIRGINS. Modi has it on good authority that it is a GARDEN with lots of WHITE GRAPES.
Radi: (Turn red with anger) Today you definitely will die, Modi. You dare to challenge the word of Allah, the All-Knowing.
Modi: It is a translation, Radi. It is someone's translation of what he thought he read or heard. We do not know exactly what was said, only what was written on a banana leaf. The early Believers who were tasked with assembling the Qur’an, Allah bless their efforts and give them peace, had an almost impossible task. Arabic writing, given to us by Christian monks, was not perfected yet and was not as reliable as it is now. Remember, the imams always said that in those days memorization was always superior to writing. Nonetheless, it should also be taken into consideration that many of our blessed people who memorized parts of the Qur’an, had been exposed to terribly violent battles and arduous campaigns before they were called upon to regirgitate what they had committed to memory. Some of these people were also rather long of tooth, and memories could not always be verified. The ancient one may have had a choice between paradise and garden (in the Torah, it is garden), and between virgins and white grapes. I am not even going to ask you, Radi, which translation you would have given.
Radi: Prepare to die!
Mani: Radi, you will have to take Modi’s head off some other time. I am starved and am ready for breakfast.
The three friends forget their arguments and amiably saunter down the pockmarked road toward the restaurant.
HJS
[1] Qur’an 4:171 O People of the Scripture, do not commit excess in your religion or say about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, was but a messenger of Allah and His word which He directed to Mary and a soul [created at a command] from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers. And do not say, "Three"; desist - it is better for you. Indeed, Allah is but one God. Exalted is He above having a son. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.
Modi (Moderate): Oh, Yes. But the electricity was off for a while and I missed the beginning. Since I missed the beginning, I thought all of his ranting and raving was a self-confession.
Mani laughs so hard, he bumps into Radi, almost knocking him down.
Radi (Radical): The president was ranting about the Western nations, especially America.
Modi: I know that now. However, it certainly appeared to me to be a world-class confession of his own crimes.
Mani: (Finds it hard to stop laughing) Modi, you need to curb your comments; you get too funny.
Radi: I do not think he’s funny.
Modi: You don’t think anything’s funny. You remind me of the Ayatollah Khomeini.
Radi: Life is too serious for levity or laughter.
Modi: The ayatollah said something just like that. As I recall, the only person who ever struck him funny was the late Oriana Fallaci. However, the Believers in Denmark, Italy, and other European cities had a big price on her head—and I mean head. They didn't think she was funny.
Mani: I remember something about that. What did she do that was so evil?
Modi: Nothing evil. She wrote two books about the attitude and the actions of our Believers that immigrated to Europe and trashed many of the places where they settled. She also complained about the eagerness of the Leftist officials to accommodate the Believers at the expense of the citizens. It is something akin to the way the American administration is treating illegal aliens at the expense of their own American workers.
Mani: I saw some of that on CNN. It was sandwiched somewhere between some stupid half-dressed urchin named Brittany and giving bail to an illegal alien murderer. I have problems understanding American news programs. Out of ten minutes, they gave about a minute to the two problems and the rest of the time to the urchin.
Radi: The Americans are all messed up and will have to deal with the flames.
Modi: I wish you would get real. The Americans are not the Meccans of the 7th century, and we are not raiding their caravans and making deals with other tribes against them. We are in the 21st century now. Everything has changed. Get over it!
Radi: You are wrong, Modi. I told you before that the Americans are the polytheists—they worship their saints, Jesus Christ, and his Mother[1]. They say there is only one God, but they worship more than one. We must kill them wherever we find them.[2]
Mani: Whatever your opinion is of the Americans, Radi, they have helped us here in Iraq. They have not tried to steal our oil and they have given us the opportunity to vote our own people into the government. Except for the problem at Abu Graib, that was more hilarious than anything else, and a few unfortunate incidents during firefights with people firing at them, they have not tried to intimidate us or exploit us.
Radi: You are wrong, Mani. They tried to set up their own style of government that will endeavor to make us more like they are.
Modi: That statement is rubbish, Radi. How about keeping this subject on a higher level than that? Besides, we were talking about your buddy Ahmadinejad, President Jady!
Mani: Radi, I can hardly wait to hear your analysis of his reference to the Mahdi. I noticed he did not specifically mention the Twelfth Imam, but he had a reference to his coming.
Radi: I do not see anything wrong with his reminding everyone of the end-of-days. Perhaps he has the foresight to see the coming of the Mahdi. The Mahdi and Jesus will appear right before the Judgment. Not long after that, we will see who is flung into the fire and who sees paradise and the virgins. (Notices Mani laughing) What are you laughing at now?
Mani: Modi and I had a minor argument about that. Apparently, we are not the only ones arguing about what one sees after death or martyrdom. You say it is PARADISE with FIAR-SKINNED VIRGINS. Modi has it on good authority that it is a GARDEN with lots of WHITE GRAPES.
Radi: (Turn red with anger) Today you definitely will die, Modi. You dare to challenge the word of Allah, the All-Knowing.
Modi: It is a translation, Radi. It is someone's translation of what he thought he read or heard. We do not know exactly what was said, only what was written on a banana leaf. The early Believers who were tasked with assembling the Qur’an, Allah bless their efforts and give them peace, had an almost impossible task. Arabic writing, given to us by Christian monks, was not perfected yet and was not as reliable as it is now. Remember, the imams always said that in those days memorization was always superior to writing. Nonetheless, it should also be taken into consideration that many of our blessed people who memorized parts of the Qur’an, had been exposed to terribly violent battles and arduous campaigns before they were called upon to regirgitate what they had committed to memory. Some of these people were also rather long of tooth, and memories could not always be verified. The ancient one may have had a choice between paradise and garden (in the Torah, it is garden), and between virgins and white grapes. I am not even going to ask you, Radi, which translation you would have given.
Radi: Prepare to die!
Mani: Radi, you will have to take Modi’s head off some other time. I am starved and am ready for breakfast.
The three friends forget their arguments and amiably saunter down the pockmarked road toward the restaurant.
HJS
[1] Qur’an 4:171 O People of the Scripture, do not commit excess in your religion or say about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, was but a messenger of Allah and His word which He directed to Mary and a soul [created at a command] from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers. And do not say, "Three"; desist - it is better for you. Indeed, Allah is but one God. Exalted is He above having a son. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.
[2] Qur’an 2:191 And kill them wherever you overtake them and expel them from wherever they have expelled you, and fitnah (disbelief) is worse than killing. And do not fight them at al-Masjid al- îaram ( vicinity of Mecca) until they fight you there. But if they fight you, then kill them. Such is the recompense of the disbelievers.
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