Mani (Mainstream): Modi, where were you last night? I thought we were going to your cousins’ together. We waited for you.
Modi (Moderate): I am sorry about that. I was on my way, but was stopped by the boss; I had to write two articles for the newspaper. Did you guys have some fun?
Mani: There was some shooting and a few people died out there.
Modi: Wow! That’s not good. What happened?
Mani: We were on our way to that village where we stored the new IEDs we stole from the Iranians and the driver took a wrong turn. We thought we were entering a friendly village, but it turned out to be something other that what we expected. Everyone who lived there was Iranian.
Modi: At Anbar? That is very strange.
Mani: It gets stranger. They had a bomb-making school there. And get this--one of the instructors was trained in North Korea. The students were from everywhere, even the U.K.
Modi: Now I wish I had been there. You had a fire fight?
Mani: Very briefly. We went through hidden guard posts without knowing they were there and the guards came out and started calling for us to give them the password. None of them really wanted to start shooting--they were students--so we jumped off the trucks and tried to talk to them. Other guards showed up, concluded we were not part of their organization, and started spraying 7.62s. When they started running at us, shooting, we hit the dirt quickly and only their friends were hit. The guards ran past our men on the ground, leaving them for dead, but our men overwhelmed them before they could reload.
Modi: I am glad. Nobody else came out to challenge?
Mani: An instructor came out with one of those old Soviet Makarovs, the 9X18 type, but a driver took it away from him before he could rack the slide. He was rather inept with a pistol--a round was already chambered and the first shot could have been double-action. He would have done some damage if he had known more about it. When one of your cousins asked him about the Makarov, he said he picked it up in North Korea. That started an entirely new line of questions. That is how we found out about the North Korea training.
Modi: Obviously, the residents were Shi'ites. But what about the trainees?
Mani: Typical Wahhabi trainees, but not yet confirmed killers. Because of that, we had an easy time with them. There were so many, though, that Baghdad had to send two trucks to cart them away. They also needed some troops and police to clear up the Iranian problem. I hope they notified the coalition people. They are finally getting a little sensitive about the Iran connections.
Modi: The government has a big enough job trying to curb Wahhabism and Salafism. This business about not recognizing any laws or rules after the death of our Most Beloved is turning this country into a war zone within a war zone. If we now have Iranians in our own country training Sunnis, it compounds the problem. Wahhabism is the culprit in this mess and everybody is afraid nobody wants to do anything about it. Without the Wahhabis, we would not have this mess.
Mani: Modi, we cannot fault them for their beliefs.
Modi: We certainly can. The Muslim umma approved many laws and rules after the death of our Most Beloved; and because of some relaxation of the strictness, we were able to live and prosper. As long as nobody made waves, we were mostly left alone. During the time of the Ottomans, however, those Wahhabis continued to be a thorn in the side of the umma. The Caliph in Turkey had to send in troops to teach them a lesson once.
Mani: I remember the history lesson. For some time then it looked as if the Al-Saud were finished, but they hung on for dear life until the British came along and gave them legitimacy. The Ottomans chose the wrong side in a European war.
Radi (Radical): Good morning. Are we in the middle of something?
Modi: We were talking about how the Ottomans crushed the Al-Saud once, but the British rescued them from oblivion.
Radi: That is a lie. The Western powers launched a sneak attack against the Ottoman Empire.
Modi: Oh, yes. I forgot. They sent dive-bombers to strike the Turkish naval base at Pearl Harbor and sank all of their battleships.
Radi: What?
Mani: Radi, Modi is ridiculing your selected interpretation of history. I have to agree with Modi. Whoever teaches you history must have re-written it first.
Radi: I know the truth! You are just repeating Western lies. The Western powers tried for years to destroy Islam as a religion…
Modi: (Interrupted Radi) Radi, please don’t insult our intelligence. We are friends here. We need to talk all of this out among ourselves and come to some kind of an understanding. We Believers in the Middle East are becoming more and more isolated in the world because of our unnecessary violence. We are poor and getting poorer, even with all our oil wells. The Saudi wells, by the way, are getting much older and it is taking millions of petro dollars to continue repairing them. We really need to come to an understanding with the West before our petro power corrupts like everything else around here.
Radi: No, we do not. I have my truth. You have your lies. I am not Wahhabi, but I agree with the Salafists. They know the truth. You know the truth also, but you claim it may have been the truth once, but it is not the truth any more. You are saying that Allah is either stupid or a liar! For even thinking that you should die.
Modi: Radi, that is nonsense! You know that Mani and I love you like a brother. We do not care what you believe. We argue with you because we want you to know that you are worth saving. People all over Iraq and elsewhere believe different things, most of which are of no interest to anyone. But the Salafists are busybodies that have to know everything that is going on and are going crazy over things that mean little or nothing. The Salafists, especially the Wahhabis are killing their countrymen and others simply because of minor religious differences. Lately they have been killing people simply because they want to live and let live.
Radi: Yes. There are differences and there should not be. People should conform to our way of worshipping Allah or they should die, every one of those heretics!
Mani: Modi, you are wasting your time with him.
Radi: Mani, if you so-called Mainstream Muslims don’t come back into line with the real Islam, Allah will come down on you on the Day of Judgment, flinging you into the everlasting flames to writhe and scream forever. You are the hated ones, you turned away from righteousness and would lead others to disbelief with you [1]. Allah has set a seal over your hearts; you will taste the fire [2]. Because of that, the faithful can kill you.
Mani: Radi, you cannot possibly know what you are saying. Modi and I do not condemn you for believing what you do. We are both trying to give you something else to think about. We both think about what you say; it is time you thought about what we say.
Radi: Allah damn you both to the fire. Unless you accept the way of the Salafist, you have nothing worth saying.
Modi: Well, Mani, I guess you have your answer.
Mani: I guess I do. How are we ever going to get anywhere ever, if people like Radi are simply incapable of replacing their worn, torn baggage with newer ones, easier to handle—with wheels even? If we cannot rescue them from themselves, then we are looking at years of misery, gloom, and violent deaths.
Modi: Mani, Why do we put up with Radi?
Mani: (Mani thinks for a moment) Because he is so cute. Look at those bedroom eyes.
Modi: Lookout! He’s pulled his knife. (They both run)
Radi: I will kill you SOBs! (They all laugh as they run, unmindful of the people staring at them).
HJS
[1] Qur'an 4:140 "And it has already come down to you in the Book that when you hear the verses of Allah [recited], they are denied [by them] and ridiculed; so do not sit with them until they enter into another conversation. Indeed, you would then be like them. Indeed Allah will gather the hypocrites and disbelievers in Hell all together."
Modi (Moderate): I am sorry about that. I was on my way, but was stopped by the boss; I had to write two articles for the newspaper. Did you guys have some fun?
Mani: There was some shooting and a few people died out there.
Modi: Wow! That’s not good. What happened?
Mani: We were on our way to that village where we stored the new IEDs we stole from the Iranians and the driver took a wrong turn. We thought we were entering a friendly village, but it turned out to be something other that what we expected. Everyone who lived there was Iranian.
Modi: At Anbar? That is very strange.
Mani: It gets stranger. They had a bomb-making school there. And get this--one of the instructors was trained in North Korea. The students were from everywhere, even the U.K.
Modi: Now I wish I had been there. You had a fire fight?
Mani: Very briefly. We went through hidden guard posts without knowing they were there and the guards came out and started calling for us to give them the password. None of them really wanted to start shooting--they were students--so we jumped off the trucks and tried to talk to them. Other guards showed up, concluded we were not part of their organization, and started spraying 7.62s. When they started running at us, shooting, we hit the dirt quickly and only their friends were hit. The guards ran past our men on the ground, leaving them for dead, but our men overwhelmed them before they could reload.
Modi: I am glad. Nobody else came out to challenge?
Mani: An instructor came out with one of those old Soviet Makarovs, the 9X18 type, but a driver took it away from him before he could rack the slide. He was rather inept with a pistol--a round was already chambered and the first shot could have been double-action. He would have done some damage if he had known more about it. When one of your cousins asked him about the Makarov, he said he picked it up in North Korea. That started an entirely new line of questions. That is how we found out about the North Korea training.
Modi: Obviously, the residents were Shi'ites. But what about the trainees?
Mani: Typical Wahhabi trainees, but not yet confirmed killers. Because of that, we had an easy time with them. There were so many, though, that Baghdad had to send two trucks to cart them away. They also needed some troops and police to clear up the Iranian problem. I hope they notified the coalition people. They are finally getting a little sensitive about the Iran connections.
Modi: The government has a big enough job trying to curb Wahhabism and Salafism. This business about not recognizing any laws or rules after the death of our Most Beloved is turning this country into a war zone within a war zone. If we now have Iranians in our own country training Sunnis, it compounds the problem. Wahhabism is the culprit in this mess and everybody is afraid nobody wants to do anything about it. Without the Wahhabis, we would not have this mess.
Mani: Modi, we cannot fault them for their beliefs.
Modi: We certainly can. The Muslim umma approved many laws and rules after the death of our Most Beloved; and because of some relaxation of the strictness, we were able to live and prosper. As long as nobody made waves, we were mostly left alone. During the time of the Ottomans, however, those Wahhabis continued to be a thorn in the side of the umma. The Caliph in Turkey had to send in troops to teach them a lesson once.
Mani: I remember the history lesson. For some time then it looked as if the Al-Saud were finished, but they hung on for dear life until the British came along and gave them legitimacy. The Ottomans chose the wrong side in a European war.
Radi (Radical): Good morning. Are we in the middle of something?
Modi: We were talking about how the Ottomans crushed the Al-Saud once, but the British rescued them from oblivion.
Radi: That is a lie. The Western powers launched a sneak attack against the Ottoman Empire.
Modi: Oh, yes. I forgot. They sent dive-bombers to strike the Turkish naval base at Pearl Harbor and sank all of their battleships.
Radi: What?
Mani: Radi, Modi is ridiculing your selected interpretation of history. I have to agree with Modi. Whoever teaches you history must have re-written it first.
Radi: I know the truth! You are just repeating Western lies. The Western powers tried for years to destroy Islam as a religion…
Modi: (Interrupted Radi) Radi, please don’t insult our intelligence. We are friends here. We need to talk all of this out among ourselves and come to some kind of an understanding. We Believers in the Middle East are becoming more and more isolated in the world because of our unnecessary violence. We are poor and getting poorer, even with all our oil wells. The Saudi wells, by the way, are getting much older and it is taking millions of petro dollars to continue repairing them. We really need to come to an understanding with the West before our petro power corrupts like everything else around here.
Radi: No, we do not. I have my truth. You have your lies. I am not Wahhabi, but I agree with the Salafists. They know the truth. You know the truth also, but you claim it may have been the truth once, but it is not the truth any more. You are saying that Allah is either stupid or a liar! For even thinking that you should die.
Modi: Radi, that is nonsense! You know that Mani and I love you like a brother. We do not care what you believe. We argue with you because we want you to know that you are worth saving. People all over Iraq and elsewhere believe different things, most of which are of no interest to anyone. But the Salafists are busybodies that have to know everything that is going on and are going crazy over things that mean little or nothing. The Salafists, especially the Wahhabis are killing their countrymen and others simply because of minor religious differences. Lately they have been killing people simply because they want to live and let live.
Radi: Yes. There are differences and there should not be. People should conform to our way of worshipping Allah or they should die, every one of those heretics!
Mani: Modi, you are wasting your time with him.
Radi: Mani, if you so-called Mainstream Muslims don’t come back into line with the real Islam, Allah will come down on you on the Day of Judgment, flinging you into the everlasting flames to writhe and scream forever. You are the hated ones, you turned away from righteousness and would lead others to disbelief with you [1]. Allah has set a seal over your hearts; you will taste the fire [2]. Because of that, the faithful can kill you.
Mani: Radi, you cannot possibly know what you are saying. Modi and I do not condemn you for believing what you do. We are both trying to give you something else to think about. We both think about what you say; it is time you thought about what we say.
Radi: Allah damn you both to the fire. Unless you accept the way of the Salafist, you have nothing worth saying.
Modi: Well, Mani, I guess you have your answer.
Mani: I guess I do. How are we ever going to get anywhere ever, if people like Radi are simply incapable of replacing their worn, torn baggage with newer ones, easier to handle—with wheels even? If we cannot rescue them from themselves, then we are looking at years of misery, gloom, and violent deaths.
Modi: Mani, Why do we put up with Radi?
Mani: (Mani thinks for a moment) Because he is so cute. Look at those bedroom eyes.
Modi: Lookout! He’s pulled his knife. (They both run)
Radi: I will kill you SOBs! (They all laugh as they run, unmindful of the people staring at them).
HJS
[1] Qur'an 4:140 "And it has already come down to you in the Book that when you hear the verses of Allah [recited], they are denied [by them] and ridiculed; so do not sit with them until they enter into another conversation. Indeed, you would then be like them. Indeed Allah will gather the hypocrites and disbelievers in Hell all together."
[2] Qur'an 2:7 "Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil. And for them is a great punishment
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