Mani (Mainstream): Modi, you don’t look so good this morning.
Radi (Radical): Yeah, you look like death warmed over.
Modi (Moderate): The coalition searched my house last night; I was up for over almost an hour.
Radi: Aha! Now you know what being a moderate gets you. Mani, we may have a new recruit here.
Modi: Don’t get your hopes up. The soldiers did not hurt anyone; and when they learned I spoke English, it was more conversation than anything else. They wanted to know if anyone was making roadside bombs in the compound. I told them if my neighbors and I knew, we would kill the SOB.
Mani: That is not showing loyalty to Iraq!
Modi: That is crap and you know it. We do not have an army and a police force we can trust yet. Why? Because bastards you call friends attack and kill them as soon as they graduate. The Americans are the only force keeping us safe.
Radi: Al Qaeda will soon defeat the Americans and establish our own Islamic country.
Modi: Oh, yeah? Based on what? Do you honestly believe that after Saddam Hussein you would welcome the Taliban? Nobody in this world is stupid enough to wish for Taliban rule.
Mani: It would be much better than this police state!
Modi: What police state? I just said we do not have a police force. You two just do not know how good you have it. The Afghans had a beard police that measured everyone’s beards. If it did not measure up, you were beaten every day that you were on the street until it did.
Radi: What is wrong with that? We are supposed to have full beards.
Modi: Well, it so happens that sometimes I like to shave and go without a beard for awhile. It is nobody’s damned business whether I have a beard or not! But that is not the worst.
Mani: They had other police?
Modi: Yep. They had the ethical police. If you attended a soccer match and called out anything but God is Great when someone scored, you were beaten severely for that. All those lunkheads had to do was find one or two females on the street without a male escort and they had a grand time beating them, burqa or not.
Mani: That doesn’t sound right.
Modi: Well, what on earth do you think Radical Islam is? If you keep listening to Radi and those other people, you will find yourself back in the dark ages without music, dancing, decent books, and if you had TV it would be filled with Zawahiri’s tirades. Interesting, huh? Look, I can understand the people's admiration for some of the things bin Laden has done; however, the man himself is a bore. And Zawahiri--I would rather listen to my mother-in-law.
Radi: I knew you were becoming a traitor.
Modi: My moderate friends and I are not the ones killing other Iraqis, Radi. You guys cause us more hardship and deaths than the coalition. When was the last time coalition troops set up a car bomb outside a mosque? When did they ever send homicide-bombers into a wedding feast? When did they ever put a suicide vest on a six-year-old girl, or a seventy-year-old grandmother? When did they ever declare total war on all civilians?
Mani: He has you there, Radi. Modi is making sense. The coalition forces do not really make war on anyone. I find myself hoping they will stay until we have a real government and a real police force.
Radi: I am going to kill him. Unless he is protected by his American friends.
Modi: I wish I had American friends. It would be nice to send my family there while we were dodging bullets and bombs from your friends, Radi. If any of my family are killed because of some stupid things you guys are doing, I am coming after you.
Mani: That does not sound like a moderate.
Radi (Radical): Yeah, you look like death warmed over.
Modi (Moderate): The coalition searched my house last night; I was up for over almost an hour.
Radi: Aha! Now you know what being a moderate gets you. Mani, we may have a new recruit here.
Modi: Don’t get your hopes up. The soldiers did not hurt anyone; and when they learned I spoke English, it was more conversation than anything else. They wanted to know if anyone was making roadside bombs in the compound. I told them if my neighbors and I knew, we would kill the SOB.
Mani: That is not showing loyalty to Iraq!
Modi: That is crap and you know it. We do not have an army and a police force we can trust yet. Why? Because bastards you call friends attack and kill them as soon as they graduate. The Americans are the only force keeping us safe.
Radi: Al Qaeda will soon defeat the Americans and establish our own Islamic country.
Modi: Oh, yeah? Based on what? Do you honestly believe that after Saddam Hussein you would welcome the Taliban? Nobody in this world is stupid enough to wish for Taliban rule.
Mani: It would be much better than this police state!
Modi: What police state? I just said we do not have a police force. You two just do not know how good you have it. The Afghans had a beard police that measured everyone’s beards. If it did not measure up, you were beaten every day that you were on the street until it did.
Radi: What is wrong with that? We are supposed to have full beards.
Modi: Well, it so happens that sometimes I like to shave and go without a beard for awhile. It is nobody’s damned business whether I have a beard or not! But that is not the worst.
Mani: They had other police?
Modi: Yep. They had the ethical police. If you attended a soccer match and called out anything but God is Great when someone scored, you were beaten severely for that. All those lunkheads had to do was find one or two females on the street without a male escort and they had a grand time beating them, burqa or not.
Mani: That doesn’t sound right.
Modi: Well, what on earth do you think Radical Islam is? If you keep listening to Radi and those other people, you will find yourself back in the dark ages without music, dancing, decent books, and if you had TV it would be filled with Zawahiri’s tirades. Interesting, huh? Look, I can understand the people's admiration for some of the things bin Laden has done; however, the man himself is a bore. And Zawahiri--I would rather listen to my mother-in-law.
Radi: I knew you were becoming a traitor.
Modi: My moderate friends and I are not the ones killing other Iraqis, Radi. You guys cause us more hardship and deaths than the coalition. When was the last time coalition troops set up a car bomb outside a mosque? When did they ever send homicide-bombers into a wedding feast? When did they ever put a suicide vest on a six-year-old girl, or a seventy-year-old grandmother? When did they ever declare total war on all civilians?
Mani: He has you there, Radi. Modi is making sense. The coalition forces do not really make war on anyone. I find myself hoping they will stay until we have a real government and a real police force.
Radi: I am going to kill him. Unless he is protected by his American friends.
Modi: I wish I had American friends. It would be nice to send my family there while we were dodging bullets and bombs from your friends, Radi. If any of my family are killed because of some stupid things you guys are doing, I am coming after you.
Mani: That does not sound like a moderate.
Modi: Make no mistake, you two. Being a moderate does not mean I will not fight; it only means I know who my real enemies are and I don’t listen to some uneducated, stupid knuckle-head tell me we are still fighting against the polytheists from the seventh century.
Radi: But that is exactly what we are doing. And you must kill them wherever you find them.
Modi: When is the last time you were face to face with a polytheist?
Radi: The Americans are polytheists.
Mani: What? How do you figure that?
Radi: They believe that God had a son and in all there were three gods. They also prayed to the Mother and Jesus and all of the saints.
Modi: Real people have not believed that since the seventh century, Radi. Back then, people did not know all that much about Christians. Most of their information came from Nestorians or others who had broken from mainstream Christianity and believed whatever they wanted. People who are still screaming about that today are in a time-warp mentally. When are you ever going to learn. Anyway, what the hell difference does it make what anyone else believes? If you hate Americans for what they believe, but they don't hate us for what we believe, it makes them right and you wrong!
Radi: When we rid ourselves of the Americans, we will take care of moderates like you who have abandoned their religion.
Modi: I am truly a better Believer than you, Radi. I have never killed another Believer. You have.
Radi: Only those who deserved it.
Modi: You are neither judge nor jury and have no right to call what you do lawful. On judgment day Allah is going to require an accounting for all those needless, mindless deaths.
Mani: I need to change the subject before we have another fight. Modi, how long were the troops in your house?
Modi: Less than an hour. The only thing broken was my door lock. I told them not to bother repairing it; I would do it.
Mani: Did they find any explosives in your compound?
Modi: No, but I did get a good laugh out of them while they were looking.
Mani: What did you say?
Modi: I said if they were looking for more of those Iranian toys, I would not worry about them being any good for anything—most of the toys are now made in China, so they will probably be recalled.
HJS
Here is a video that says it all:
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