'And now back to the Modi's kitchen, where Modi's wife Hayat is playing host to Mani's wife Barma and Radi's girlfriend Zaina. They helped Hayat with some housework and helped prepare the midday meal for Modi and his two friends. They are having coffee.'
Zaina: I really have to thank you two for showing me how to do some of these things. I thought years ago that I was happily missing all these things because my parents were rich and could afford to hire help. Now I have to learn how to do things because Radi and I will not be that well off.
Barma: We are glad to help, Zaina. Has Radi set a date yet?
Zaina: No, darn him. Your husbands almost got to him once, and he came running into the house breathless, saying we must get married right then! Something about having his children support hin in his old age.
Hayat: Modi told me about it. That must have been hilarious. What did you say to him?
Zaina: When he said we had to get married just then, I asked, "Why? Are you pregnant?? Then he swore to me he wasn't. (The wives laugh at that.)
Hayat: Modi tells me that Radi is getting a little extreme again.
Zaina: I know. I had to tell him I was not going to marry some nitwit who might just murder our first born if she were a girl. That is not Islamic, and those ghouls know that. They should be doing something about it.
Barma: Oh, God! As modern as we are becoming, we still have to live with those evil traditions. That tradition should have been scrapped long ago.
Hayat: Yes, along with the ghouls that believe we should continue those traditions.
Zaina: You two lucked out with husbands. How on earth do they stay out of trouble with the ghouls?
Hayat: Well, Modi tries to stay out of conversations with anyone he does not know. He knows all it takes is one word to the wrong person and he will get a nocturnal visitor with a sharp knife.
Barma: Horrors! Why can't somebody come along and grab these people between the legs and escort them to Abu Ghraib or someplace? This world has already had its fill of the foul-mouthed, mush-brained ghouls that think they are the final world on the Qur'an.
Hayat: You are right about that. I have had to listen to them rant and rave in the Mosque and just wanted to rise and tell those mealy-mouthed woman-haters they are not the begin all and the end all of Islam. They are the garbage of Islam and should go out with the garbage. They are no better than serial killers.
Zaina: Of course, Hayat, you know you are talking about Radi's other friends.
Barma: (laughs) You bet. Are you going to take him in hand? Teach him OUR Islam?
Zaina: At least once per visit I tell him how I feel. I always find the words to call his friends some very choice names. I told him that he was not going to restrict me to my house, no matter what he tells his friends. I am going to go where I want, cook what I want, and that nitwit better be ready to do what is right for me. I want to be able to love him with every fiber that is in me. I do not need his friends or any imam telling me how. That reminds me, I told my parents what I was going to do one night to convince him, and they rushed upstairs so they would not see it.
Barma: Oh? What did you do?
Zaina: Radi was reading the daily paper downstairs, and I crept downstairs in one of my scanty Victoria Secret outfits--the one with the high, red boots. He did not see me at first because he was buried in the paper.
Hayat: What did he do when he looked up and saw you in that XXX outfit?
Zaina: Well first, that paper ripped all the way down the crease. (They all laugh.) When he dropped the paper, I lounged across his lap and threw my arms around his neck.
Barma: What did he do then?
Zaina: Well, first he sweated bullets. After that, he looked to see if the curtains were drawn. I got the idea that he was scared out of his wits. Then I planted a big kiss on him. He was all arms and legs with that. (They laugh again.) I asked him if he liked me in this outfit, but he would not speak. So I said, "Okay, I won't wear it any more." Then he really looked scared, and his eyes bulged. (laughter) I told him if he wanted me to be his little vixen and dress like that only for him, he will have to leave his extremism at the door.
Hayat: What did he say to that?
Zaina: He tried to say something, but he could only stutter. He sounded like a diesel motorboat.
Hayat: You are right, Zaina. If more of our women would do something like that, set the theme, as it were, we could force our men to be more human.
Barma: Unfortunately, ladies, too many of our women have their husbands chosen by their fathers. Fathers are not all heart when it comes to their daughters and have no business choosing husbands for them. The poor dears do not even see their new husbands sometimes until the ceremony. And sometimes the husbands are not exactly "new". Can't you just see the fathers go purple if the bride turned to the husband and said something like, "Look, big boy, you are not exactly a prize bull, so let me give it to you straight. You and I are not going to play house until you understand that you get nothing out of this marriage unless you are ready to throw away your parents' ideas of what marriage is all about.
Zaina: What on earth could happen to her?
Hayat: There is no doubt her father would cut her throat.
Zaina: What? He would do that to her for that?
Hayat: He would be outraged; she dishonored him. If she had a little sister, historically speaking, he would kill his other daughter as well so the second daughter could not dishonor him. What a ghoul!
Zaina: Oh my God! What kind of religion is this?
Hayat: Modi told me that Islam is not just a religion, it is an ideology as well--and a bunch of lousy traditions.
Zaina: An ideology?
Hayat: Yep. The only religion with an army unless you call the pope's Swiss guard an army. They can put out a call and embarrass hundreds of thousands of fighters into joining a fray that does not really concern them. They have an army of Public Relations people and attorneys that force laws through in other countries that forbid people from even saying anything at all negative about us. Blasphemy laws, would you believe. Those countries must be NUTS! They are also a government, a very inept government. A very inept, male-dominated government that really believes Allah is on its side. We are the chosen people, they keep saying in the Mosques. Bah.
Zaina. You don't believe we are the chosen people?
Hayat: Just look around you. You have seen American modern kitchens on those Internet sites before they cut them off. After seeing what American woman have and the cars American men AND WOMEN drive, tell me how we can be His chosen people? No, Zaina. Allah loves everyone the same except for the ghouls that keep treating us like slaves.
Barma: Are you arguing with the Qur'an, Hayat? It gives men lots of rights over us.
Hayat: No, Barma, I have a problem just with the people who act like it was written last week instead of the seventh century. Why does the Qur'an not say what is the status of the man when the woman works and he doesn't. And besides that, they act as if we were at war with every non-Muslim on earth. You know, the Muslims who moved to Europe are not all remaining theologically orthodox[1]. Some of the daughters are risking their lives by saying no to their fathers and running away with Europeans. Did you see that Muslim who was born in London asking what the Sharia was on British TV? I bet those imams are livid.
Barma: I thought they had already taken Europe and made it a Muslim continent.
Hayat: See how those ghouls lie? Zaina, do not for any reason give in to Radi. You make that man of yours toe the mark. You make sure he knows who is boss once he steps foot in the house. Once he knows and acts accordingly, you two can have all the fun you want.
Barma: Yes, Zaina. Don't you ever take anything from him. And you better warn him not to bring any of his ghoulish friends around or you'll embarrass him royally. People like Radi cannot stand to be embarrassed. Zaina, you are such a decent woman, I do not understand how you can fall for a guy like that.
Zaina: Well, love is blind, I guess.
Hayat: Yeah. It is also stupid! (Laughter)
HJS
[1] ?Muslims and the State in Britain, France, and Germany?, by Fetzer and Soper, page 77.
No comments:
Post a Comment