Modi (Moderate): Look at Al-Tabah, Sura 9, verse 38.
Mani (Mainstream): Why are you starting that far into Sura 9? Radi and I both spent quite some time at the beginning.
Modi: I guessed that you would. But the verses 38 to 41 are really the theme for the sura. In one sense, it seems to be an extension of Sura 8, remember there is no “Bismillah” in the introduction. In another sense, however, it was revealed long after sura 8.
Radi (Radical): I thought the sura was going to talk about crushing the unbelievers who have already been given the opportunity to become believers. I was specifically looking at ayat 29:
Modi: Radi, that already follows the other suras to date. Up to this time, Muhammad was concerned with the Meccans. The Meccans were bad enough, but now he was facing the possibility of battle with the Roman Empire. The Romans (Byzantines) had just defeated the Persians and he thought they were now looking to wipe out the Muslims.
Mani: That is where the armies met at Mut’ah and our Muslim armies were handed a defeat.
Modi: That is correct; however, Muslim scholars always call it a victory. They do not seem to realize that our army would have been wiped out and the Roman armies would have continued to Medina if the Roman commander had not suspected Muhammad’s usual trick of retreat and ambush. The Romans indeed beat the Muslims, no contest, but the Muslims conned the Romans away from total victory.
Radi: I believe it was a victory.
Modi: Radi, you may turn into a liberal if you continue to think that how you wanted things to end can change the reality. Look at what Allah was saying in ayat 38; now listen to 39-41:
Mani: Our Muslim people must have been very upset to become acquainted with a revelation upbraiding them like that. Nonetheless, we must keep mind that preparing for war against Romans is very serious.
Radi (Bares his knife): Are you saying you doubt that Allah and his angels would bring us victory? Tell me.
Mani: Shut up and put your pig-sticker away, Radi. We are in an important discussion here. Just listen if you cannot contribute any wisdom.
Modi: I understand what you are saying, and it is very serious. It is also important, however, to remember that the sura only talks about Romans and Muslims and the 7th century. Look, Muhammad knew better than to send an inferior force against the Romans. When our army saw what they were facing, they wanted to wait and send for all available reinforcements—which probably would not have helped. Someone did not hear the order to hold fast and the troops continued marching against the Romans and were routed. We lost three commanders. One commander used up 9 swords in the battle.
Radi: Our armies went out again 30,000 strong to defeat the Romans at Tabuk, but the Romans retreated when they saw us.
Modi: I do not know who told you that, Radi, but what was a major battle to us at Mut’ah, to the Romans was only a minor skirmish with bandits to the Romans. The Romans did not retreat; they did not consider us a threat and did not even have any troops in the area because they had no reason to do so. Radi, we were small fry to the Romans.
Mani: I could see a problem coming. The people were pushed to give up not only their lives, but their possessions again. In the old days, when they were fighting Meccans, the people would invest in the Muslim army and rake in profits on their investment. They were not so sure about investing in war with the Romans. They were not a gang of country bumpkins with little or no training. They were power!
Radi: Ah, we could have defeated the Romans just like we can defeat the Americans.
Modi: Radi, our several armies were defeated in less than a week. The much bragged-about Republican Guards did not want any part of the Americans; they hid their uniforms and took off. Even our big, brave, fight-to-the-death Saddam found himself a hole and dived into it.
Mani: Yes, Radi. You must see things as they are. You are leaving yourself vulnerable to those lying imams that would make you believe we have the power to fight the world and win.
Radi: Hah! So much you know. We are taking Europe without firing a shot.
Modi: I must admit that it looked like that for a while, but even The Netherlands and Denmark did a Charles Martel on you. You will find that even European Muslims will not agree with you anymore.
Mani: Of course, the inept and cowardly United Nations is being pushed into rewriting Free Speech rules so that nobody can criticize Islam or Islamic attacks against individuals or nations. One of these days, whenever the U.S. democrat leadership gets some guts, maybe they will ride these UN slugs out of town on a rail!
Modi: Naaah! They will never develop brains or guts. They will always be play-babies, easy prey for people like Radi. Can you imagine a group of people, charged with defending that great country, who are scared to death of even offending their enemies? What a bunch of ninnies.
Mani: I noticed, Modi, not to change the subject, that in our sura today, ayat 72, what Allah really has set aside for believers:
Radi: Where are the virgins?
Modi: Shall we tell him, Mani?
Radi: Tell me what?
Mani: You know, Radi, that back through the centuries we were always saddled with translation problems.
Radi: What does that have to do with me?
Mani: Well, we know you would love to be a martyr to get into Paradise quickly.
Radi: So? If you cannot guarantee reaching Paradise any other way, even by prayer and good works, why not hope for martyrdom?
Modi: I have some bad news for you, Radi. It is here in the newspaper.
Radi: Well, what does it say?
Modi: You will have to read it for yourself. It says the old translations about 72 virgins were incorrect.
Radi: INCORRECT. (Mani and Modi start walking) Well, what do we get if we’re martyred; let’s see what it says… What? WHITE GRAPES?!
Aaaaagh!
HJS
O you who have attained the faith! What is amiss with
you that, when you are called upon, “Go forth to war in God’s cause,” you cling
to the earth?
Would you comfort yourselves with the comforts of
this worldly life in preference to the good of the life to come? But the
enjoyment of life in this world is but a paltry thing when compared to the life
to come.
Mani (Mainstream): Why are you starting that far into Sura 9? Radi and I both spent quite some time at the beginning.
Modi: I guessed that you would. But the verses 38 to 41 are really the theme for the sura. In one sense, it seems to be an extension of Sura 8, remember there is no “Bismillah” in the introduction. In another sense, however, it was revealed long after sura 8.
Radi (Radical): I thought the sura was going to talk about crushing the unbelievers who have already been given the opportunity to become believers. I was specifically looking at ayat 29:
Fight against those who – despite having been vouchsafed
[aforetime]— do not [truly] believe either in God or the Last Day, and do not
consider forbidden that which God and His Apostle have forbidden, and do not
follow the religion of truth [which God has enjoined upon them, till they agree
to pay the exemption tax (jizyah) with a willing hand, after having been humbled
[in war].
Modi: Radi, that already follows the other suras to date. Up to this time, Muhammad was concerned with the Meccans. The Meccans were bad enough, but now he was facing the possibility of battle with the Roman Empire. The Romans (Byzantines) had just defeated the Persians and he thought they were now looking to wipe out the Muslims.
Mani: That is where the armies met at Mut’ah and our Muslim armies were handed a defeat.
Modi: That is correct; however, Muslim scholars always call it a victory. They do not seem to realize that our army would have been wiped out and the Roman armies would have continued to Medina if the Roman commander had not suspected Muhammad’s usual trick of retreat and ambush. The Romans indeed beat the Muslims, no contest, but the Muslims conned the Romans away from total victory.
Radi: I believe it was a victory.
Modi: Radi, you may turn into a liberal if you continue to think that how you wanted things to end can change the reality. Look at what Allah was saying in ayat 38; now listen to 39-41:
If you do not go forth to war in God’s cause, He will
chastise you with a grievous chastisement, and place another people in your
stead—whereas you shall in no wise harm Him: for, God has the power to will
anything…
Go forth to war, whether it be easy or difficult for you,
and strive hard in God’s cause with your possessions and your lives: this
is for your own good – if you but knew it.
Mani: Our Muslim people must have been very upset to become acquainted with a revelation upbraiding them like that. Nonetheless, we must keep mind that preparing for war against Romans is very serious.
Radi (Bares his knife): Are you saying you doubt that Allah and his angels would bring us victory? Tell me.
Mani: Shut up and put your pig-sticker away, Radi. We are in an important discussion here. Just listen if you cannot contribute any wisdom.
Modi: I understand what you are saying, and it is very serious. It is also important, however, to remember that the sura only talks about Romans and Muslims and the 7th century. Look, Muhammad knew better than to send an inferior force against the Romans. When our army saw what they were facing, they wanted to wait and send for all available reinforcements—which probably would not have helped. Someone did not hear the order to hold fast and the troops continued marching against the Romans and were routed. We lost three commanders. One commander used up 9 swords in the battle.
Radi: Our armies went out again 30,000 strong to defeat the Romans at Tabuk, but the Romans retreated when they saw us.
Modi: I do not know who told you that, Radi, but what was a major battle to us at Mut’ah, to the Romans was only a minor skirmish with bandits to the Romans. The Romans did not retreat; they did not consider us a threat and did not even have any troops in the area because they had no reason to do so. Radi, we were small fry to the Romans.
Mani: I could see a problem coming. The people were pushed to give up not only their lives, but their possessions again. In the old days, when they were fighting Meccans, the people would invest in the Muslim army and rake in profits on their investment. They were not so sure about investing in war with the Romans. They were not a gang of country bumpkins with little or no training. They were power!
Radi: Ah, we could have defeated the Romans just like we can defeat the Americans.
Modi: Radi, our several armies were defeated in less than a week. The much bragged-about Republican Guards did not want any part of the Americans; they hid their uniforms and took off. Even our big, brave, fight-to-the-death Saddam found himself a hole and dived into it.
Mani: Yes, Radi. You must see things as they are. You are leaving yourself vulnerable to those lying imams that would make you believe we have the power to fight the world and win.
Radi: Hah! So much you know. We are taking Europe without firing a shot.
Modi: I must admit that it looked like that for a while, but even The Netherlands and Denmark did a Charles Martel on you. You will find that even European Muslims will not agree with you anymore.
Mani: Of course, the inept and cowardly United Nations is being pushed into rewriting Free Speech rules so that nobody can criticize Islam or Islamic attacks against individuals or nations. One of these days, whenever the U.S. democrat leadership gets some guts, maybe they will ride these UN slugs out of town on a rail!
Modi: Naaah! They will never develop brains or guts. They will always be play-babies, easy prey for people like Radi. Can you imagine a group of people, charged with defending that great country, who are scared to death of even offending their enemies? What a bunch of ninnies.
Mani: I noticed, Modi, not to change the subject, that in our sura today, ayat 72, what Allah really has set aside for believers:
God has promised the believers, both men and women –
gardens through which running waters flow, therein to abide, and goodly
dwellings in gardens of perpetual bliss: but God’s acceptance is the greatest
bliss of all – for this, this is the triumph supreme!
Radi: Where are the virgins?
Modi: Shall we tell him, Mani?
Radi: Tell me what?
Mani: You know, Radi, that back through the centuries we were always saddled with translation problems.
Radi: What does that have to do with me?
Mani: Well, we know you would love to be a martyr to get into Paradise quickly.
Radi: So? If you cannot guarantee reaching Paradise any other way, even by prayer and good works, why not hope for martyrdom?
Modi: I have some bad news for you, Radi. It is here in the newspaper.
Radi: Well, what does it say?
Modi: You will have to read it for yourself. It says the old translations about 72 virgins were incorrect.
Radi: INCORRECT. (Mani and Modi start walking) Well, what do we get if we’re martyred; let’s see what it says… What? WHITE GRAPES?!
Aaaaagh!
HJS
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