Series On Islam: "THREE FACES EAST Part 77" By HJS

Introducing three new characters, from London. They are good friends but do not always see things the same way. Yaman is an original immigrant from Morocco (moderate), Umran is first-generation U.K.-born (extremist), and Martin is second-generation U.K.-born (nonpolitical).

Umran (Extremist): Ha! We are winning big battles now. Have you read the papers? We are going to be ruled here in the U.K. by the Sharia.

Yaman (Moderate): I did not come to this country to be ruled by the Sharia. I came here to escape from the Sharia and from people who love to abuse it. I came here to be British.

Martin (Nonpolitical): What is the Sharia?

Umran: It is Islamic law, you fool. Hasn’t your imam taught you anything?

Martin: What’s an imam? I will have you know that I graduated from all the schools and have a good job. You always have lots of time on your hands. Do you have a job?

Umran: If you do not know what an imam is, you have left your religion! Your head should leave you and probably will soon enough.

Of course I have work! I monitor our religion here and teach everyone what they should do about the British abuse of our religion.

Yaman: You are crazy. You are just now saying the Brits are giving us the Sharia-—and I say they are nuts for even thinking in those terms. And then you say they are abusing us. But you may be right at that; making us abide by the Sharia is definitely abuse.

Martin: The Sharia, is that where they cut off your hand and foot if the peelers pinch you for nicking some bloke’s wallet?

Yaman: What?

Martin: Does the Sharia call for cutting off hands and feet?

Yaman: Yes, it does but only for serious offenses. If you steal food to feed your family, they don’t amputate.

Umran: What about that six-year-old who had his arm run over by a car because the judge did not want to apply amputation? The judge should have given him the greater penalty.

Martin: Whoa! I am gobsmacked. You mean some bloody scroat wants to bring that bog stuff up here for the new mingers downtown?

Yaman: What?

Martin: You gotta learn English one of these days. I said some jerk wants to bring that crap here for the immigrants?

Yaman: The archbishop says Muslims could choose the legal system they want to be ruled under.

Umran: Yes. He said that there should be an end to the monopoly on British law by such things as British history, Christian ethics, English Common Law, and western civilization.[1]

Yaman: I cannot see how anyone who calls himself British could dare to bring in such mediaeval claptrap.

Umran: You are insulting Islam! That is a crime here. You will go to jail.

Yaman: Now tell Martin here what the Sharia would say about that?

Umran: Well, naturally you would be killed, perhaps beheaded.

Martin: For giving an opinion? Coo, that is slime.

Umran: Of course. It is a grave sin to have such opinions!

Martin: You barmy blokes are round the bloody bend.

Umran: What?

Yaman: I think he means you bloody fools are nuts! Martin, you could also be sentenced to death for insulting the Prophet (pbuh), heresy, having sex with someone not your spouse (unless it is your slave), refusing to marry the person picked out for you, and several other things.

Martin: Those are just blow-offs[2]. What if one bloke kills another?

Yaman: That is the retaliation section. If one person kills your sister without a good reason, you can kill him if you can find him, or if you can’t find him, you can kill his sister. Another alternative is accepting blood money for the killing. You may have to settle for half of what you would get if he killed your brother.

Martin: They think they can flog that to the local twits?

Yaman: They know they cannot convince the British people, they only have to sell it to the leadership, and they will make laws of it.

Umran: They should get used to the Sharia as soon as possible. Once we convert the U.K. to a Muslim country, everyone will be under Sharia law. Then many heads will roll. Many heads!

Yaman: I had that thought. And the first heads will be the British liberals who made all of this possible.

Umran: Yes. (laughs) Isn’t that hilarious?

Martin: Total pants, you wanker!

Umran, Yaman together: What?

Martin: You don’t know Brits. They don’t snocker well. You can bugger that stuff and hop it if it was up to them.

Yaman: I believe he is saying that the entire idea is terrible and the British people cannot be scammed. You are right, Martin, but remember that it is the leadership that is being fed this dog food.

Umran: What language is that?

Yaman: It is street-talk.

Umran: That language should be against the law. It is a code. Everyone speaking it is dangerous and should be beheaded.

Yaman: How dare you speak so ill of a country that takes you in and gives you a living wage until you find work-—and you don’t even look for work. When you came here, you were supposed to become British, not an extremist agitator.

Martin: You can take that load of cobblers and codswallop and bugger off before you come-a-cropper here, you gagging wanker. We believe in horses for courses, not your piddle dribble.

Umran (stares at Martin): What are you saying?

Yaman: I am pretty sure he said you should pack up your bull crap and get lost before you get what is coming to you here. The Brits believe in letting people alone to get along with one another and they don’t need the BS you peddle.

Umran: Why didn’t he say that?

Yaman: I thought he did. Eloquently.

Umran (looks at his watch): It is time for wudu.

Yaman: I will show you. It is nearby. It is only a little mosque, temporary, but soon we will have the biggest in Europe right here in London. It will be seen all during the Olympics.

Umran: Isn’t Martin coming along with us?

Yaman: He does not observe. He is happy the way he is and does not want to be bothered. He is really a decent person.

Umran: But he should be killed-—(Yaman grabs his shirt collar and pulls him closer, nose to nose).

Yaman: Look, you sod, you had better cut the crap or by Allah I will clean your clock. I will pray with you because we are Muslims, but get it through your thick skull that Martin is a Muslim just as good as you or anyone else. He loves Allah his way. He does not need to visit a mosque or pray five times per day to be a good Muslim. And he does not believe in going around killing people for stupid reasons! (He lets go of the shirt; Umran runs away.)

Yaman: He is going the wrong way-—he’s heading for the synagogue.

Martin: He's in for a bit of fun; they're having a do there today.

HJS





[1] SPECTATOR.CO.UK. “Dhimmi—or just dim?" Saturday, 9 February 2008.
[2] Breaking wind, not worth thinking about.