Mani (Mainstream): Modi, I see Radi coming this way. He looks very serious. Could he be mad about our leaving him in the middle of the street, talking to himself?
Modi (Moderate): Well, these long beards have long memories also. They never forget anything—even if they did not know it in the first place. If one of the pseudointellectual imams told them a story, no matter how bizarre it was, they would remember it as if it had happened.
Mani: That does not seem very bright.
Modi: It is a matter of religion; it is blind faith. Radi, Allah bless him, make lots of leaps of faith. The seventh century is as recent to him as last week’s movie—and just as fictional.
Radi (Radical): My fiancée wants to get married soon. She says she is getting tired of waiting.
Modi: Why you old rascal. Have you two been…ah…naughty?
Radi: I resent that, Modi. Be serious. I am in a tight spot here.
Mani: What could be happening to put YOU in a tight spot?
Radi: Well, we had a discussion about marriage. When I mentioned that my wife must be mine from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, she laughed at me. I told her it was from the Qur’an, and that made her laugh more.
Modi: It was a decision by Sheik Abd al-Wakil Durud, Radi; however, it is mentioned in the law.[1] You could tell her that—and then duck!
Radi: I also told her that she is obliged to drop everything and let me enjoy her anytime I want. Is not your wife your tilth? And can’t you sow your tilth anytime you want?
Modi: (Modi and Mani both laugh) In theory Radi, you are right. It is in the Qur’an[2]. But if you read the law[3], there are a few conditions you must observe. I am afraid that one of them is: Not tonight; I have a headache (m5.1 [c]).
(Mani is almost on the ground, laughing.)
Radi: Why is Mani laughing so hard?
Modi: Because we have all been there, Radi, Now it is your turn.
Radi: I don’t think it is funny; I am trying to understand why Zaina threw me out and told me not to come back until I knew my place.
(Modi and Mani begin laughing all over again.)
Modi: Radi, your place is definitely with Zaina. You must stop believing what your old-beard friends have been telling you. They do not know how things work—only how THEY want them to work. If you can borrow a copy of the law, you will find that Zaina has just as much right to you as you have to her.[4]
Mani: Yes, Radi. You have an obligation to please her as often as it takes for her not to want to stray.
Radi: WHAT? WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS THAT?
Modi: Mani is right. It is in the law. If Zaina asks and you decline without sufficient reason, you are breaking the law.
Mani: Yes. And you like to go after people who break the law.
Modi: And who will be coming after you?
Mani: Will Zaina ever let him out to play?
Radi: Maybe I should not marry.
Modi: There will come a time, Radi, that you will regret that so badly you will hate yourself. Remember, no matter where you look in our scriptures, men are strongly urged to marry.
Mani: I can assure you, Radi, that marrying was the best thing I ever did. My wife and I do not agree on everything, but we are very happy with each other.
Modi: You are not happy the way you are, Radi. I can see that every day. You are looking for refuge among those long-beards you call friends. They are already married, so they can go home to their wives and enjoy their children. You cannot.
Radi: How do you know I am not happy; you cannot read my mind.
Modi: We can hear it in your voice and see the emptiness in your eyes.
Radi: Baa. You do not know what you are saying.
Mani: Just think, you will be side by side with beautiful Zaina.
Radi: I can’t argue with that.
Modi: I remember that Zaina was a darn good cook too. Many people would be coming to your nightly spread during Ramadan.
Mani: Yeah, Modi. I guess Radi will become famous for his Ramadan meals.
Radi: That would be nice.
Mani: Modi, if he and Zaina want lots of kids, they will have to support him in their old age.
Radi: WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN.
Modi: Mani is right. The more kids you and Zaina have, the more people will be supporting you in your old age.
Radi: Oh! Hmm. You say they must do that?
Modi: Radi, it is definitely in the law[5]. If they did not support you, they would be in moral, ethical, and legal trouble.
Radi: Oh my. They would have to support me. How soon could I start having kids?
(Mani and Modi look at each other and laugh)
Modi: It takes nine months from the date you start. And you can start the night you get married.
Radi: If I get married today, it means I can start tonight?
Modi: Yes. But you would have to hurry; Zaina might change her mind.
Radi: She can do that?
Mani: When was the last time you talked to her?
Radi: About an hour ago.
Modi: Oops. You had better show us your heels; if you do not pop the question quickly, you may not be able to start on those kids tonight. (Radi starts running down the street.) See ya, Radi.
Mani: Poor Zaina. Wait until she gets hold of him.
Modi: Oh yeah? Wait until she gets hold of us.
HJS
Modi (Moderate): Well, these long beards have long memories also. They never forget anything—even if they did not know it in the first place. If one of the pseudointellectual imams told them a story, no matter how bizarre it was, they would remember it as if it had happened.
Mani: That does not seem very bright.
Modi: It is a matter of religion; it is blind faith. Radi, Allah bless him, make lots of leaps of faith. The seventh century is as recent to him as last week’s movie—and just as fictional.
Radi (Radical): My fiancée wants to get married soon. She says she is getting tired of waiting.
Modi: Why you old rascal. Have you two been…ah…naughty?
Radi: I resent that, Modi. Be serious. I am in a tight spot here.
Mani: What could be happening to put YOU in a tight spot?
Radi: Well, we had a discussion about marriage. When I mentioned that my wife must be mine from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, she laughed at me. I told her it was from the Qur’an, and that made her laugh more.
Modi: It was a decision by Sheik Abd al-Wakil Durud, Radi; however, it is mentioned in the law.[1] You could tell her that—and then duck!
Radi: I also told her that she is obliged to drop everything and let me enjoy her anytime I want. Is not your wife your tilth? And can’t you sow your tilth anytime you want?
Modi: (Modi and Mani both laugh) In theory Radi, you are right. It is in the Qur’an[2]. But if you read the law[3], there are a few conditions you must observe. I am afraid that one of them is: Not tonight; I have a headache (m5.1 [c]).
(Mani is almost on the ground, laughing.)
Radi: Why is Mani laughing so hard?
Modi: Because we have all been there, Radi, Now it is your turn.
Radi: I don’t think it is funny; I am trying to understand why Zaina threw me out and told me not to come back until I knew my place.
(Modi and Mani begin laughing all over again.)
Modi: Radi, your place is definitely with Zaina. You must stop believing what your old-beard friends have been telling you. They do not know how things work—only how THEY want them to work. If you can borrow a copy of the law, you will find that Zaina has just as much right to you as you have to her.[4]
Mani: Yes, Radi. You have an obligation to please her as often as it takes for her not to want to stray.
Radi: WHAT? WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS THAT?
Modi: Mani is right. It is in the law. If Zaina asks and you decline without sufficient reason, you are breaking the law.
Mani: Yes. And you like to go after people who break the law.
Modi: And who will be coming after you?
Mani: Will Zaina ever let him out to play?
Radi: Maybe I should not marry.
Modi: There will come a time, Radi, that you will regret that so badly you will hate yourself. Remember, no matter where you look in our scriptures, men are strongly urged to marry.
Mani: I can assure you, Radi, that marrying was the best thing I ever did. My wife and I do not agree on everything, but we are very happy with each other.
Modi: You are not happy the way you are, Radi. I can see that every day. You are looking for refuge among those long-beards you call friends. They are already married, so they can go home to their wives and enjoy their children. You cannot.
Radi: How do you know I am not happy; you cannot read my mind.
Modi: We can hear it in your voice and see the emptiness in your eyes.
Radi: Baa. You do not know what you are saying.
Mani: Just think, you will be side by side with beautiful Zaina.
Radi: I can’t argue with that.
Modi: I remember that Zaina was a darn good cook too. Many people would be coming to your nightly spread during Ramadan.
Mani: Yeah, Modi. I guess Radi will become famous for his Ramadan meals.
Radi: That would be nice.
Mani: Modi, if he and Zaina want lots of kids, they will have to support him in their old age.
Radi: WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN.
Modi: Mani is right. The more kids you and Zaina have, the more people will be supporting you in your old age.
Radi: Oh! Hmm. You say they must do that?
Modi: Radi, it is definitely in the law[5]. If they did not support you, they would be in moral, ethical, and legal trouble.
Radi: Oh my. They would have to support me. How soon could I start having kids?
(Mani and Modi look at each other and laugh)
Modi: It takes nine months from the date you start. And you can start the night you get married.
Radi: If I get married today, it means I can start tonight?
Modi: Yes. But you would have to hurry; Zaina might change her mind.
Radi: She can do that?
Mani: When was the last time you talked to her?
Radi: About an hour ago.
Modi: Oops. You had better show us your heels; if you do not pop the question quickly, you may not be able to start on those kids tonight. (Radi starts running down the street.) See ya, Radi.
Mani: Poor Zaina. Wait until she gets hold of him.
Modi: Oh yeah? Wait until she gets hold of us.
HJS
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