Radi (Radical): Here comes Modi—and he is smiling from ear to ear again.
Mani (Mainstream): Rats! We’re in for another fight.
Modi (Moderate): Good morning. You both look so glum; you must have seen the news also.
Mani: I am afraid to ask. What news?
Modi: Times Online’s headline was “Young Muslims Begin Dangerous Fight for the Right to Abandon Faith.” A group of Muslim youths are getting together to formulate ways to facilitate leaving their religion.
Mani: Allah preserve us! That is terrible!
Radi: Yes it is terrible. What is going on there?
Modi: Putting myself in their heads, I can understand what they have been going through. Now take the Brits, for example. Muslim boys see Brit boys and girls doing things together, having fun together, going on picnics, dates, dancing, holding hands and the Muslim boys are not allowed to even look at a female. I believe that borders on the intolerable. It is a natural thing in Europe but outrageous to us.
Radi: Those Brit kids ought to be killed.
Modi: For what? For enjoying each other’s presence? They see someone they like and they spend time with that person, getting to know them better. They visit each other’s homes and even take meals together. They meet each other's parents and siblings. It is real friendship.
Radi: And that leads to terrible sin.
Modi: What would that terrible sin be, Radi? That they might have a child together? Sure, it is not proper, but it happens. But not everyone is weak and unrestrained; moreover, they are all taught about birth control. But which is worse, bringing another baby into the world, or walking into a train station with a bomb and killing 100 people by blowing them to bits?
Radi: How can you even make such a comparison? There is nothing wrong with blowing Christians and Jews to bits.
Modi: Somehow I knew you were going to say that. But getting back to your terrible sinners. Dating does not always lead to sex and pregnancy. After a few months or a year, the boy and girl may lose interest in each other and go on to other boys and girls. And the young Muslim girls in their black or gray abayas are looking at Brit girls in their colorful outfits and cannot help feeling a little envious. And the school parties that the Muslims are not allowed to attend! Wow! The Brits are a very social nation and like their parties and other pleasant events. Can you imagine a social event in Riyadh? Boring. The only way to survive such an event is to down a few martinis or some scotch, but unfortunately, alcohol is also forbidden.
Mani: You are criticizing our religion. I won’t be able to stop Radi if he starts to boil. You know what he is like. He will have your head on his front gate.
Modi: But what about you, Mani. Does such talk make your blood boil also? Do you believe I should be killed for expressing these opinions? It is an important question, Mani. Perhaps it is the most important question this year.
Mani: I don’t know, Modi. I do not like hearing what you say, but I am not horrified as Radi is. I just want peace and quiet.
Modi: Radi and his friends will give you peace and quiet. But what about your kids? If your son came to you and told you very quietly and very seriously that he wanted to change his religion, would you hate him enough to kill him?
Mani: (Looks at Radi) I don’t know.
Modi: You had better begin thinking about it now. And try not to let the crazy knife-wielders influence you. Make up your own mind. The world is changing whether we all like it or not. Remember, a few years ago, the word apostate would stop people in their tracks. Today one finds it in Muslim newspapers everywhere. It has already been brought up to the United Nations as a right of everyone to change his or her religion without sanctions.
Radi: We must double our efforts to rule the world! We must kill these people who are hurting Islam. Kil them all!
Modi: Radi, a nice, young Muslim girl sees a nice, young Christian boy and wants to get to know him and be close to him because she likes him and feels comfortable with him. Perhaps he feels the same about her. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, YOU TWIT! How is that hurting Islam?
Radi: Everything is wrong with that! The penalty is at least 50 lashes, maybe more. It should be much more for girls speaking with boys.
Modi: For what? Just because it brings a penalty doesn’t make it wrong!
Radi: For just thinking about each other!
Modi: I guess you are for building that sidewalk for females in Riyadh, to ensure that men and women, no matter how old, cannot even walk on the same sidewalk.
Radi: I agree with that. Men and women should never be together if it can be avoided.
Modi: Have you ever wondered if that isn’t our big problem here?
Mani: How do you figure that?
Modi: Young men are products of nature and they want and NEED female companionship. If they do not get it, they become frustrated and have to have some other outlet.
Radi: Their outlet is prayer and worshipping Allah.
Modi: Their outlet is strapping on a homicide belt and blowing themselves to bits to get a chance at those 72 virgins. He needs female attention and he will go to great lengths if he has to.
Mani: Our martyrs are holy people. You are insulting them.
Modi: Right, Mani. Tell me you know exactly why they strapped on those belts. You cannot.
Mani: Neither can you.
Modi: But I have a reasonable and logical idea, Mani. For a young man to kill himself when he is filled with all the bloom of life and love requires a much bigger reason—and you gave it to him: 72 virgins. He only wanted a little slice of paradise, but he was too poor to marry and the penalty for sneaking around was too much.
Radi: I am not married and I am not strapping on the belt.
Modi: But you tell us, Radi, how many sinners you and your friends have ambushed. How much blood have you had to wipe off your knife?
Radi: What has that to do with anything? I am simply taking Allah’s vengeance.
Modi: And who asked you to take the vengeance? Allah? I am sure that your priorities will change if you ever meet someone soft and nice.
Mani: Speaking of soft and nice, the little restaurant has made those French croissants again and I am hungry. I am paying today.
Modi laughs so hard he can’t speak.
Radi: Maybe he needs some croissants and some Saudi coffee.
Modi laughs even harder.
Mani: We may have to carry him. Look, he can’t even walk.
Radi: Hmm. Better slap him and bring him out of it; a crowd is forming. They’ll think he already has had too much Saudi coffee.
Modi laughs even harder and his two friends help him walk to the restaurant, mindful of the stares around them.
HJS
Mani (Mainstream): Rats! We’re in for another fight.
Modi (Moderate): Good morning. You both look so glum; you must have seen the news also.
Mani: I am afraid to ask. What news?
Modi: Times Online’s headline was “Young Muslims Begin Dangerous Fight for the Right to Abandon Faith.” A group of Muslim youths are getting together to formulate ways to facilitate leaving their religion.
Mani: Allah preserve us! That is terrible!
Radi: Yes it is terrible. What is going on there?
Modi: Putting myself in their heads, I can understand what they have been going through. Now take the Brits, for example. Muslim boys see Brit boys and girls doing things together, having fun together, going on picnics, dates, dancing, holding hands and the Muslim boys are not allowed to even look at a female. I believe that borders on the intolerable. It is a natural thing in Europe but outrageous to us.
Radi: Those Brit kids ought to be killed.
Modi: For what? For enjoying each other’s presence? They see someone they like and they spend time with that person, getting to know them better. They visit each other’s homes and even take meals together. They meet each other's parents and siblings. It is real friendship.
Radi: And that leads to terrible sin.
Modi: What would that terrible sin be, Radi? That they might have a child together? Sure, it is not proper, but it happens. But not everyone is weak and unrestrained; moreover, they are all taught about birth control. But which is worse, bringing another baby into the world, or walking into a train station with a bomb and killing 100 people by blowing them to bits?
Radi: How can you even make such a comparison? There is nothing wrong with blowing Christians and Jews to bits.
Modi: Somehow I knew you were going to say that. But getting back to your terrible sinners. Dating does not always lead to sex and pregnancy. After a few months or a year, the boy and girl may lose interest in each other and go on to other boys and girls. And the young Muslim girls in their black or gray abayas are looking at Brit girls in their colorful outfits and cannot help feeling a little envious. And the school parties that the Muslims are not allowed to attend! Wow! The Brits are a very social nation and like their parties and other pleasant events. Can you imagine a social event in Riyadh? Boring. The only way to survive such an event is to down a few martinis or some scotch, but unfortunately, alcohol is also forbidden.
Mani: You are criticizing our religion. I won’t be able to stop Radi if he starts to boil. You know what he is like. He will have your head on his front gate.
Modi: But what about you, Mani. Does such talk make your blood boil also? Do you believe I should be killed for expressing these opinions? It is an important question, Mani. Perhaps it is the most important question this year.
Mani: I don’t know, Modi. I do not like hearing what you say, but I am not horrified as Radi is. I just want peace and quiet.
Modi: Radi and his friends will give you peace and quiet. But what about your kids? If your son came to you and told you very quietly and very seriously that he wanted to change his religion, would you hate him enough to kill him?
Mani: (Looks at Radi) I don’t know.
Modi: You had better begin thinking about it now. And try not to let the crazy knife-wielders influence you. Make up your own mind. The world is changing whether we all like it or not. Remember, a few years ago, the word apostate would stop people in their tracks. Today one finds it in Muslim newspapers everywhere. It has already been brought up to the United Nations as a right of everyone to change his or her religion without sanctions.
Radi: We must double our efforts to rule the world! We must kill these people who are hurting Islam. Kil them all!
Modi: Radi, a nice, young Muslim girl sees a nice, young Christian boy and wants to get to know him and be close to him because she likes him and feels comfortable with him. Perhaps he feels the same about her. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, YOU TWIT! How is that hurting Islam?
Radi: Everything is wrong with that! The penalty is at least 50 lashes, maybe more. It should be much more for girls speaking with boys.
Modi: For what? Just because it brings a penalty doesn’t make it wrong!
Radi: For just thinking about each other!
Modi: I guess you are for building that sidewalk for females in Riyadh, to ensure that men and women, no matter how old, cannot even walk on the same sidewalk.
Radi: I agree with that. Men and women should never be together if it can be avoided.
Modi: Have you ever wondered if that isn’t our big problem here?
Mani: How do you figure that?
Modi: Young men are products of nature and they want and NEED female companionship. If they do not get it, they become frustrated and have to have some other outlet.
Radi: Their outlet is prayer and worshipping Allah.
Modi: Their outlet is strapping on a homicide belt and blowing themselves to bits to get a chance at those 72 virgins. He needs female attention and he will go to great lengths if he has to.
Mani: Our martyrs are holy people. You are insulting them.
Modi: Right, Mani. Tell me you know exactly why they strapped on those belts. You cannot.
Mani: Neither can you.
Modi: But I have a reasonable and logical idea, Mani. For a young man to kill himself when he is filled with all the bloom of life and love requires a much bigger reason—and you gave it to him: 72 virgins. He only wanted a little slice of paradise, but he was too poor to marry and the penalty for sneaking around was too much.
Radi: I am not married and I am not strapping on the belt.
Modi: But you tell us, Radi, how many sinners you and your friends have ambushed. How much blood have you had to wipe off your knife?
Radi: What has that to do with anything? I am simply taking Allah’s vengeance.
Modi: And who asked you to take the vengeance? Allah? I am sure that your priorities will change if you ever meet someone soft and nice.
Mani: Speaking of soft and nice, the little restaurant has made those French croissants again and I am hungry. I am paying today.
Modi laughs so hard he can’t speak.
Radi: Maybe he needs some croissants and some Saudi coffee.
Modi laughs even harder.
Mani: We may have to carry him. Look, he can’t even walk.
Radi: Hmm. Better slap him and bring him out of it; a crowd is forming. They’ll think he already has had too much Saudi coffee.
Modi laughs even harder and his two friends help him walk to the restaurant, mindful of the stares around them.
HJS
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